Separating with children: what to agree first.

When a couple with children decides to separate, the hardest part is rarely the legal procedure. It is the questions that come after: where the children will live, how the expenses will be shared, who stays in the house. The good news is that you can answer them yourselves, in an agreement, and ask the court only to approve it.

Agreement or contest: two very different roads

A divorce by mutual agreement is usually faster, cheaper and far less painful for the children. You agree on everything, sign a document called the convenio regulador and the court checks that it protects the children. A contested divorce means a judge decides for you after a trial, which takes longer and leaves less room for what each family actually needs.

In Spain you can apply for a divorce three months after the wedding. When there are minor children, it always goes through the court, even if you agree on everything, and the public prosecutor reviews the agreement to make sure it protects them.

What the agreement has to cover

The convenio regulador is the heart of the process. It must settle, at least:

• custody: shared or with one parent, and how the children’s daily life will work;

• time with each parent: weekdays, weekends, holidays and special dates;

• child support: how much, who pays it and how extraordinary expenses are shared, such as a dentist or a school trip;

• the family home: who uses it and until when;

• how to divide what you own together and, if it applies, any compensation between you.

Think about the children’s week, not about winning

The agreements that work best are the ones written from the children’s real week: school, activities, distances, each parent’s working hours. Writing down a calendar for a normal week and for the holidays helps more than any legal argument. A plan that is too rigid or too vague is the one that ends up back in court.

If you can’t agree yet

Since 2025, before filing most civil claims, including many family ones, you have to show that you tried to reach an agreement first, for example through mediation or a formal negotiation between lawyers. There are exceptions, such as situations of violence, where you go straight to court and urgent measures can be requested.

Mediation is often a good place to start: a neutral professional helps you talk about the points you are stuck on, and what you agree can then go into the convenio regulador.

Can circumstances change later?

Yes. Child support, time with each parent or the use of the home can be changed later if circumstances change significantly: a move, a new job, a child’s new needs. Ideally by agreement; if not, by asking the court to change the measures.

What we look at in a first consultation

We go through your situation, what you already agree on and what you don’t, and explain the realistic options and what each one would cost. If an agreement is possible, we help you write it so that it works in everyday life, not just on paper.